Dealing With Anxiety Attacks

Let me just start off by saying…. Fu*k Covid-19

I am a nurse so dealing with the madness these past few weeks I think has finally caught up with me.  These past few days I have been having the worst anxiety attacks.  The anxiety attacks come at random times and sometimes not even for a good reason.  I have found that stress brings them hence, Fu*k Covid-19.   For those of you who don’t know what an anxiety attack feels like… mine go something like this.  First the trigger happens… your heart rate ramps up to about 120bpm, your feet and hands start to tingle, you start to perspire profusely, your stomach all of a sudden feels like there is a giant rock in it, you have problems breathing and you begin to hyperventilate.  You get nauseous and sometimes vomit or just dry heave over the toilet bowl for 10 minutes straight.  Your legs go numb and feel spastic and stiff like a wooden board.  Sometimes my eyesight gets spotty other times I get a massive migraine.  Every possible worse outcome comes racing through my mind.  Tears sometimes just start flowing uncontrollably to the point where you have to get out of the public eye, because you can’t stop the urge to cry and you know once it starts, IT WON’T STOP.  Depending on how bad the anxiety gets sometimes I feel like the world is closing in on me and I can’t sit still; I just keep pacing back and forth wanting to be anywhere but where I currently am.  IT IS TERRIBLE!

In the past/ present (but I am trying to work on it)  I tend to deal with my anxiety in unfavorable ways.  I would sedate myself with alcohol, drugs, food, exercise.  Anything I could do to shut my mind up and temporarily export myself to a different destination.  I don’t want to think about it, be anywhere near it, listen to it, etc.  So, I sedated until the anxiety faded away.  Here is a shocker….. sedation doesn’t fix the problem; it puts a band- aid on the problem. 

So here is what I have found out about my anxiety.  As much as it sucks to do, the only way to stop the anxiety attack is to address the problem at hand and figure out the trigger.  Once I know the trigger the task at hand then becomes why did it trigger me?  For instance, my most recent anxiety attack came from work when I was told I had to float to a new unit for my shift.  This unit was going to be a new location, new people, different rules, I had no idea how to even get there, and boom… my anxiety attack began.  The first thing I wanted to do was go to comfort food to pull me out of this chaotic mess, but I knew that wasn’t going to fix my problem.  Instead I did some deep breathing techniques and slowed my mind down with some quick meditation.  (This is definitely not easy and sometimes it takes a long time and multiple times for it to even begin to work)  Then I thought about why I was so triggered.  It all boiled down to fear and self- doubt, and some self- negative thoughts.  Once I knew where the root of the problem was coming from I then thought about why I was talking to myself in such a negative manner.  I have struggled through way worse in the past, was I really going to let this minor obstacle in the road derail my entire evening?

I have learned to say Fu*k this ALOT.  Not in a negative way… but in a ” I Fu*king got this shit” kind of way.  Me just saying these Fu*k you statements make me feel more powerful over the situation.  It reminds me that I am strong and smart and I can handle anything that gets thrown my way with hard work, prayer, and my support system around me. 

Anxiety will never fully go away, but the more you address the WHY of the anxiety in the first place, and you have a fallback plan, things tend to run a bit more smoothly.  I am starting to learn more and more that the best way to deal with anxiety is just jump right in to the fire and come face to face with triggers and all of the uncomfortable- touchy- feely emotions that are attached to it.  So I challenge you to find your triggers next time you become anxious.  Talk to someone about them and figure out a game plan to help prevent anxiety in the future.  And as always remember you are never alone.