Promise me you’ll always remember…. This is the tattoo I have on my foot, and it is a good reminder to never forget my journey, and to never give up, especially when I’m having one of those days. You know those days where you feel like you are not good enough, you feel like a failure, you feel sad and lonely. We are all human and we all have those days, and that is okay. Sometimes we just need a reminder that we can get through the day or the week or the month as long as we don’t give up. I use my tattoo as one of the ways to snap myself back to reality. To me, promise me you’ll always remember… has two meanings and I’d like to share them with you.
Meaning Number One: Promise me you’ll always remember refers to my weightloss journey and how far I have come, even on the days I feel like I haven’t made any progress at all. My weightloss journey didn’t just start three years ago; I have struggled with my weight all of my life, was bullied a lot for being overweight, have felt self-conscious and unflattering, and have done many stupid things to try and lose weight in an unhealthy way ( I didn’t know how stupid and dangerous the stuff was at the time). I struggled with binge eating, and would literally eat and eat and eat until I would make myself sick, I would go get fast food whenever I was feeling emotional (either good or bad) and sit in the car in an empty parking lot and eat it all so there was no left over evidence for my family to find, and I would snack on Cheetos (my favorite) in the middle of night while watching T.V on my phone and hoping my family wouldn’t wake up from the crinkling sound the bag was making as the bag grew emptier and emptier. I also struggled with dieting and trying to make myself skinny. The endless amount of fad/crash diets I have tried is embarrassing; one of the worst was juicing, and all I had to eat, technically drink, every day were cups of vegetable juice with lemon and cayenne pepper to help burn the fat away, and I felt miserable. I have tried so many fat loss pills, went to weightloss clinics and got phentermine, tried to skip meals while still working out twice a day. I remember one time in high school I was trying to fit into my prom dress so for a week straight I skipped breakfast, had like 6 baby carrots for lunch, and barely ate any dinner (I had to eat something or else my family would notice). I fit better in my prom dress though, so at the time I thought it was worth it.
Three years ago when I started CrossFit, things started changing. I was eating better, I still struggle, but it is way better than it was. I worked hard at the gym and tried my best to focus on bettering myself. My mindset started to change and I started feeling powerful and good about myself for once; I felt proud of new accomplishments. I started taking weekly progress photos ( I highly recommend this for anyone on a fitness journey!) and eventually I started posting them on social media, which scared the crap out of me, but I wanted to start doing things that challenged my psyche. Although things seem better, which they are, bad days are still bound to happen. In fact the other day I was having an awful day mentally and I just felt disgusted with myself, and how I looked. I knew I had put on some weight again, and I was just starting to feel like I used to. I just happened to look for something in my closet that day when I found a bag of old clothes I kept from when I first started working out (also highly recommend doing). I couldn’t believe the clothes even used to fit, I mean really, some of those shirts I could fit two of me in now. Then I was feeling nostalgic and started looking at some old videos of me working out and lifting and man did I suck! I could hardly even do a sit up and barely a pushup from my knees whereas now I can knock out a set of 20 easily and do real push-ups.
Sometimes because things change so much, you forget where you once started, but I never want to forget where I came from and everything I went through, because it taught me so much about who I am. So to me, promise me you’ll always remember… means to remember how you used to feel when you stuffed your face with a whole bag of cheetos, how you felt when you ate till you were vomiting, how you felt when you starved yourself to the point where you were so tired and weak it was hard to function, how you felt when you couldn’t even hang on the pullup bar because you couldn’t hold your own weight up, that fat loss pills don’t work but hard work and dedication do, to love yourself inside and out, and to always remember where you started and how far you’ve come.
Meaning Number Two: The beginning of one of my favorite quotes. Weight-loss is most definitely a physical journey, but mindset plays a huge role too. In fact, without a good mindset it really doesn’t matter how great you look because you never truly believe it. For instance if you want to lose weight because you want to be skinny, that’s great, but if every time you look in the mirror and you tell yourself you’re fat, you will come to find that skinny is never skinny enough. Our brains are a beautiful thing, but man can they really screw you over. One little small mustard seed size of a bad thought can easily spiral out of control and now you are in a mental breakdown, and it’s usually yourself you are tearing down in the process. It could be right before you try to do something very uncomfortable like be vulnerable and open up to someone you are dating, or you telling yourself you can’t do this and quit mid-workout, or not going to a social event because you are scared you will seem dumb if you say something weird. Usually when I start having the little mustard seed size bad thoughts I try to think of some amazing accomplishments and turn those negative thoughts to positive. So, when I start to get scared or afraid to do something I think of a time when I was brave enough to walk up to someone I didn’t know and introduce myself, when I feel like I can’t do something I think about how much strength I used to get me through the Spartan Beast, and when I think people think I am stupid I remind myself I graduated Nursing school, and if you know anything about nursing school, you’d know you have to be pretty smart just to pass with a C average. Whenever I start getting that feeling of fear or doubt, weakness and failure, or stupid and silly, I tell myself that I am the opposite of those things. My tattoo is a daily reminder of that. “Promise me you’ll always remember…. you’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” – Winne the Pooh
My tattoo on my foot isn’t just words to me, it means something deeper. It is there to represent my past and everything in my life that I go through. It is also a daily reminder to never forget my roots and where I started. In fitness, especially during weight-loss, there are times when the tasks in front of you seem impossible and the journey looks like there is no end. There are days when the weight seems too heavy. There are times when relationships won’t come easy. There are moments when you feel like it would be easier to just stop trying. Promise me though, that you’ll always remember that you are strong, and brave, and smart, and you can get through anything; so keep going. Your journey awaits you!
-JBird
JBird's Word: A Journey to Fitness 